Ya know, just because I have not been in a play for a couple of years now, doesn’t mean I’m no longer an actress. Although I keep up with classes from time to time I can honestly admit that I’ve given up on my passion for it—until today that is. While driving I had somewhat of an epiphany. My acting is what kept me balanced, playing other roles and digging deep into my soul to find the emotion needed. Well, most of my roles required growing up and experience because some of those emotions I’ve never been through, and this will reign true for now with whatever is to come in my future.
Yes, yes I’ve brought the skills when I am on camera but that is the same character over and over again. Boring to say the least. Now, now I want to channel my real life situations as a role, I need to be this character every single day. See, for some this may sound like everyday therapy or meditation/positive thinking practices, which in retrospect it is, but for me it’s more than that and quite frankly more fun.
I need to become this woman I know I am and meant to be. When looking at it in the perspective of a character makes it seem easier and more challenging all at the same time. I can grasp and take hold of everything much better now with this mindset.
No, I am not going to have split personality now or everyday you see me you’re wondering if I’m me emotions are genuine or am I just “acting” I’m just saying, I’m bringing a love and a true passion of mine back into my life…on my own terms now.
I can’t help but smile deviously after writing this.
Is it possible to genuinely smile and still feel shitty inside? Have you ever felt happy, content and feeling good about life even when it could be better or your going through a situation? Have you wanted to so badly hate someone or something but there is just something holding you back? Have you ever wanted to make a giant move or life change but keep convincing yourself not to just cause you are scared?
Well, today was a lot. I had a heavy conversation with a wonderful young man on a situation that connected us together. As anxious and nervous as I was and as much information I found out that I wish I hadn’t (sometimes I agree with the ignorant is bliss statement) it was uplifting and I don’t regret our time together talking or what information we shared with one another.
Then I had another conversation with a good friend and that was fun, well maybe not fun because it was heavy on life stuff but our outcome of the conversation was fun.
I feel like I’m now beginning the story of my movie script. Everything prior to this was just setting up for this moment. I definitely feel a journey coming on and a kick ass story to accompany it. It is amazing how our thinking can change everything. Think positive thoughts and you will feel positive. Negative thoughts and you feel negative.
I know this because I’m a victim of it. I CHOSE to allow negative thoughts dwell in my mind like a parasite. I CHOSE to keep thinking deeper and deeper into these negative thoughts.
Now, I CHOOSE to get rid Of those thoughts once they enter my brain. I simply say no to myself and I change that thought into a positive.
Examples: When driving now, instead of having extreme road rage I asses the situation and my thoughts of anger in a matter of seconds, as soon as I feel angry and anxious I just stop. I ask myself is this worth it? I calm down and I feel so much better and stop a terrible occurrence that rises my blood pressure.
Same with personal situations, I ask myself, is this thought worth getting upset over? Is this situation the end of the world? No, no 99.9% of the time it’s not.
Seriously, it’s okay to feel upset , hurt, angry, confused, hating life, hating yourself, with everything or anything, just reevaluate these feelings and unless you enjoy feeling negatively you have all the power to change it.
This goes for anyone of any age, all you high schoolers and your drama, yes everything is drama, all you 20 somethings figuring out your life’s path, you 30 somethings scared to start families or move to that next BIG chapter, you 40 and 50 yr olds going through a midlife crises and I’m pretty sure after 60 you should be wise enough and experienced all the BS you should have experienced and are wise enough to not give a shit and laugh about your past.
…one day we will all laugh at our past, think positively and don’t regret. Really, change your thoughts I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.
